Brief Interviews with Headless Men

Interview #1:

Interviewer: Hello, sir! Thank you for agreeing to this interview! How are you doing today?

Headless Man #1: ...

Interviewer: Of course, silly question. "How am I doing?" you must be thinking, "I haven't got a head, THAT'S how I'm doing!" I apologize. Well, since you brought it up, how DID you lose your head?

Headless Man #1: ...

Interviewer: Look, I understand that this might be a sensitive subject for you, but it might help to talk about it. Don't you think it's time to accept what's happened to you?

Headless Man #1: ...

Interviewer: Well, if you're going to sulk about it, I'll just move on. Thanks for your time.

Headless Man #1: ...



Interview #2


Interviewer: OK! Thanks for sitting down with me today to discuss the problems that headless people in our society face each day. Why don't you start off by telling us about your pet issue? What REALLY gets your goat?

Headless Man #2: ...

Interviewer: Oh, don't be shy. You're among friends, here. Is it the name calling? The staring? Being denied entrance to fancy restaurants?

Headless Man #2: ...

Interviewer: Um... Is your throat dry? Can I get you a glass of water or something? Just say the word

Headless Man #2: ...

Interviewer: Riiight. Thanks for your time.



Interview #3


Interviewer: OK, today we have a special treat. I've brought back my first two guests. Say hello, you two!

Headless Man #1: ...

Headless Man #2: ...

Interviewer: Good evening to you both. And, finally, would you please welcome our third guest?

Headless Man #3: (gurgles)

Interviewer: What was that?

Headless Man #3: (gurgles again)


Interviewer: Haha, very funny. What do you two think of that?

Headless Man #1: ...

Headless Man #2: ...

Interviewer: Well said. Now, would any of you like to comment on the recent spate of people joining the ranks of the headless? It seems as though every day a new headless man is found lying downtown by the park. What do you...

(A loud banging, followed by the sound of a door flying open)


Police Officer: POLICE! Everybody get down on the ground. Holy... (to the Interviewer) Put your hands behind your head and get down on the ground, now! GET DOWN! (Over the radio) I've got the suspect! Think this is the guy responsible for all of those beheadings. Three John Does at the scene, repeat, THREE John Does arranged like... like a TV talk show? What the... ?

Headless Man #3: (gurgles loudly)

Police Officer: (over the radio) Oh, shit. One of the John Does is still alive, repeat, one of them is somehow still alive. It's... it's horrible! (to the Interviewer) What the hell's the matter with you?? Oh, god... oh...

Interviewer: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight. Thanks to all of my guests and we'll see you next time! With luck, that'll be when, in 25 years to life? Thanks again, and goodnight!