Dear Dandy Fop,
I am an executive at a major financial institution. Despite the economic difficulties faced by both the country and my company in particular, I recently embezzled some funds that had "fallen through the cracks," so to speak. There's little to no chance of anyone noticing the missing money, but I've yet to spend any for fear of arousing suspicion. What should I do?
- Newly Flush in Flushing
Dearest Newly Flush,
It occurs to me now that only yesterday, Lady Melburton presented me with a similar confession at one of her masquerade balls. O, dear, give that Lady a flagon of wine and ungainly truths pour haphazardly through her lips! Would you believe that she neglected to pay her whole household staff their customary wages for the best part of a year in order to purchase an additional piano-forte for the first floor drawing room? But I mustn't talk of that; her reputation for wickedness is already so great, I can't fathom what society would think if such frivolity were more widely known!
In your case, Newly Flush, I shouldn't concern myself overmuch about this money. Why, what's the point of funds, ill-gotten or otherwise, if you can't spend them lavishly on fine garments, bijoux, and other such fancies? I myself am so far overdrawn, I can scarcely imagine what I would do with such a sudden surplus! But, as they say, if a man can't live off of his wages, he'd best learn to live off of his debts! Ah, me...
My advice to you: march down to the finest high-street haberdashery and procure the feathered cap with the largest plume you can find, and if any brigand dare challenge you, I shall be your second!
Your Most Humble & Obedient Servant,
A Dandy Fop
A Dandy Fop
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