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The mighty locomotive...

Of all the forms of transportation conceived by man, none conveys greater majesty and power than the train. We rely on trains to get us where we're going, for business... and for pleasure!

So why not bring this pleasure home with you? Why not let a train get you where you're going... in bed??

Introducing Railroad XXXing, a new family of stimulating model train-themed sex toys from Lionel!

For those of you looking for a short trip to pleasure, we have "Commuter Railed," a straightforward toy for Her. With "Express Service" and "Unscheduled Delay" modes, there's no shortage of ways to get off around town!

For the discerning lady, we offer "The Orient Sexpress." This luxurious model, molded to exacting standards and available in a variety of decors, is built for the long haul. You're guaranteed to ride all night!

And if you prefer a... different... shade of pleasure, experience "The Midnight Train to Georgia!" Even though it's long and dark, it will still bring the light to your tunnel!

For those who enjoy entering through the rear of the station, check your timetables for a trio of versatile options. First, we'd like to "plug" a toy for Him AND Her: "The Caboose!" Designed for ease of use, this is one car that will never get stuck in the concourse.

Next, we have "The Asstrak," running regular service with several beady cars strung together. They'll flip your switch and have you running down all new tracks of pleasure!

And for those who prefer more substantive rear access, we have "The Oiled Tanker." Made for Him, this hard-working train will always fuel your desires without leaving you inflamed!

For the ladies who prefer to work on the outside of the station while keeping the tunnels clear, we introduce "The Little Engine That Could... Get You Off." This intense-but-discreet device is designed to fully stimulate your hooded, hard-hatted friend!

Finally, for the fellas who'd rather give than receive, we present "The Chunnel," the most satisfying penetration experience on either side of the pond! You'll see so many lights, you'll think you reached Paris!

And the best part: These hypoallergenic wonders are fully compatible with most model railroads. Not evem trainspotters could EVER guess where these locomotives have been!

Yes, all of these models and more (including the "Love Train" and the "Dining Car") are now available at finer hobby shops and adult emporiums everywhere! At last, you can have your train set and ride it too, all thanks to Lionel, the first name in trains! Sexy, sexy trains...