It is I, your closest friend and confidant, A Dandy Fop! I daresay this shall shock some of you, but today I think we shall break from convention. Yes, I know -- when have you ever known this rascal to do something so scandalous? I only hope that you find the results of this gay experiment to be to your liking!
You see, on occasion my correspondents come to me not with questions about the various quandaries in which they find themselves; rather, these poor, dear souls do write to me with confessions of the most sordid and heinous kind! Perchance these folk are poorly educated and do not have the necessary faculties to divine the purpose of an ADVICE column. Or, mayhaps I am possessed of so honest a face or so trustworthy a countenance, the tormented cannot help but tell me of their sins (though, in truth, I am neither honest nor trustworthy!) In any event, my readers, for your shock and amusement I present to you a few such confessions, with my comments below each!
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Dear Dandy Fop,
I am a homosexual of the highest order.
Yours, etc.
W. Churchill
GRACIOUS!
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Dear Dandy Fop,
As a shape-shifting reptilian humanoid, I sometimes indulge myself by eating several score of my delicious subjects.
Cordially,
Elizabeth II Regina
O, Heavens! Tis just as I feared! MONSTROUS!
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My dear Dandy Fop,
My entire fashion sense was lifted from your ideas. My apologies; I owe everything to you.
Regards,
Sir Elton John
Even the dullest native of our land has already deduced so much. So weighty a confession for such a lot of feathers and nonsense! Pah! And tell that no-account lack-love, the Lady Baroness of Gaga, that all do see through her mimicry, as well!
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Hey Dandy,
Despite the many legal troubles that plagued my administration, I am proud that our "special relationship" went unnoticed. I miss you!
All the best,
Your Cuddle-bear, Mr. Wm. Jefferson Clinton
SCANDAL!! BASE TREACHERY!
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And so, dear readers, I hope you have enjoyed this trip through the ignominious contents of my mail-box. I do so hope you will not think me wicked for this betrayal of trust. Well, at the least, no wickeder than you heretofore knew me to be!
Until next time, I remain...
Your Most Humble & Obedient Servant,
A Dandy Fop
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If you have a question for A Dandy Fop, leave a coment or contact him on Twitter at @aDandyFop
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