Welcome Back to Captain Karl's Cartoon Carnival!

Welcome back, kids!

We're sorry we had to cut away like that, but we had some "technical difficulties" here at the Cartoon Carnival that we just couldn't ignore! Now, I know you're worried about ol' Captain Karl, but let me tell ya that I'm just fine! There's nothin' to worry about. We got that fire axe away from Sunny Miss Shelly before she could hurt anyone too badly, and she'll be right as rain once we get her sedated and keep her away from her flask of "special medicine!"

I reckon some of you mighta seen ol' Captain Karl curled up in a ball and crying before we took that little break. Maybe it sounded like I was begging for my life, and askin' the man upstairs to forgive me for all the bad things I've done! Well, that was just a gag! When I said I was sorry for leaving that pretty lady in the hotel room and not knowin' or carin' if she was alive or dead, that was an old-timey joke! I shoulda known that you kids wouldn't understand it, so I'm sorry if any of you was a'scared! Maybe someday your ma or pa will explain it to you, and you'll get why it's so funny!

Let me also say that, as you mighta guessed, Clem the Clown won't be riding with the Carnival any more! Don't worry; once we saw him hangin' by the neck back there, we cut him down lickety-split. He'll probably be A-OK, but Clem's gonna spend some time getting his act together down at the Clown Hospital. Say, if all those clowns can fit inside a tiny little car, how many d'you think can squeeze into that big old hospital room? Was that inappropriate? Sorry, kids, been a tough day!

Now with all that out of the way, let's get back to the show. Hey, Cartoon Calliope, why don't you play the next cartoon?!

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Um, welcome back again, boys and girls! Captain Karl's awful sorry about that mix-up. Sunny Miss Shelly got away from us backstage and snuck into the Cartoon Calliope before we could stop her. Obviously, that weren't no cartoon, but it's nothin' to be afraid of neither. I'm not gonna lie to ya; that was me and Sunny Miss Shelly in that there video tape, and what we were doin' was perfectly natural for two grown-ups who love each other! See, when a man and a woman love each other, well, sometimes they want to be so close together that they touch as much of each other as they can, all at once. And sometimes, well, sometimes they do other things that you kids ain't old enough to get.

Now, I know it mighta been a little scary when Sunny Miss Shelly put on that dark mask and started to whip ol' Captain Karl, but that's just part of the fun! It's like when you boys play cowboys and injuns, or when you girls play dress up... or more like when you boys and girls get together and play doctor! Anyways, we were just pretendin' to hurt each other, that's all!

Some of you might be sayin', "But Captain Karl, isn't Sunny Miss Shelly married to Clem the Clown?" Well, kiddos, sometimes adult life gets a little complicated. We have some pretty long days here on the Cartoon Carnival set, and I'd be a big old liar if I told ya that Captain Karl never got to feelin' a little lonely by the end of the day. You spend all day working with someone, gettin' to know them better than you know your own family, and next thing you know, you're wearin' leather and gettin' whipped. That's just what life's like sometimes.

Well, uh, looks like management is givin' me the sign that says it's time to pack up this here carnival and head on off to another town! It seems a little early... oh. Actually, it looks like it might be a little while before you see ol' Captain Karl and the rest of the Cartoon Carnival gang on the TV again. I just wanna apologize one more time for what-all you saw here today.  Til next time, if it ever comes, keep listenin' for the sound of the Cartoon Calliope, 'cause you never know when Captain Karl's Cartoon Carnival might ride on into your town! Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm gonna go finish off Sunny Miss Shelly's "special medicine" and maybe lie down on some train tracks for a while...