I have to admit this comes as something of a shock to me. I thought we'd reached a point in our relationship where we could really trust each other. When you told me, for instance, that the bra size you listed on your profile at the cheeky dating site where we first met was "an exaggeration," I didn't judge you. I UNDERSTOOD. So I really don't know why you're having such a hard time understanding my lifelong love for My Little Pony.
I realize, now, that this side of my life could probably have done without the overly-dramatic introduction I provided. But when I blindfolded you and brought you down by the highway to the storage unit where I keep my collection, I thought you'd see it as a romantic gesture. In hindsight, I can see how this might have been a bit much for a second date. And yes, now that you mention it, I guess it was a little "serial killer-ish," as you so aptly put it.
But please, understand that it was simply a faux pas spurred on by my joy at finding someone who was interested in me, and by my desire to share my earnest enthusiasm for Flutter Ponies, Windy Wings, and the rest.
"But aren't My Little Ponies meant for girls?" you might ask. Well, I for one have never seen much point in encoding toys with gender roles. And let's be frank: just as wearing jeans, once completely unacceptable for a woman, is now seen as perfectly normal, so too will my enjoyment of pastel-colored rubber ponies (some with real, brushable hair!) one day become old hat. Besides, the larger Big Brother Ponies were clearly marketed to boys, so why don't you think about THAT for a minute before you judge me?!
Besides, I know you must be impressed by the scope of my collection. Maybe I didn't need 34 identical Baby Lickety Split dolls, but let's see YOU try to keep those fun little guys Mint In Package without taking 'em out and playing with 'em! If you play your cards right, I MIGHT be persuaded to let you walk away with one of the extras. Emphasis on MIGHT.
Ah, I see that you're raising an eyebrow in disbelief at that 2003 Minty doll you're holding. Well, it IS a funny story! Do you see the little heart on her leg? That's supposed to tell us where we can find Minty's magnet, but somebody goofed and that edition has the heart on -- get this -- the WRONG leg! Ha ha! Actually, I... I'm going to have to ask you to put Minty down, now. Thanks.
Wait, who are you calling? Why would you need a ride from your brother? My van is right outside, and I was really hoping we could climb in the back and cuddle for a while. I don't normally do this, but you can even bring a pony or two with you. Any pony you like! Well... within some limitations. But you won't believe how much better cuddling can be when you've got Cupcake or Heart Throb tightly spooned against your chest!
You're really leaving? Well, I did NOT see that coming. It's fine, though! When you get home and realize you could have been snuggling up with me and a whole set of Twice-as-Fancy Ponies, I think you'll see the error of your ways.
When you do, I'll be curled up in the My Little Pony sleeping bag I've set up in the back of the van, snuggling my way off to dreamland!
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